Living with anxiety is not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, because you don’t feel like you can face the day. Its always feeling like you’re not good enough for anyone or anything, because your mind tells you to.
Living with anxiety is saying that you trust your partner, but knowing that you can never truly and fully trust anyone, because your mind creates scenarios that have never happened, and will never happened.
Living with anxiety is having a panic attack when your friends, or boyfriend, or parents don’t pick up after the third call, because your mind tells you that they are not okay. Its getting in your car to go out and look for them after the fifth call, because every voice in your head is telling you that something terrible has happened to them. Its having to explain why you called sixteen times when you knew that they were going to be in a meeting, because you weren’t sure if they made it there safely.
Living with anxiety is not being able to make plans in advance, because you don’t know if you’ll still be up to going by the time they come around. Its having your friends angry with you every weekend because they can’t understand why you just don’t want to go out, even though you have no valid excuse.
Living with anxiety is trashing rooms when you’re overwhelmed. Its living with spouts of anger and rage. Its stomping your feet on the floor until they bruise, and its snapping a rubber band on your arm until there are welts, because you literally cannot control yourself.
Living with anxiety is being a child afraid to tell your parents or friends that you made a mistake. Its keeping secrets and letting them eat away at you, because the thought of telling someone and the thought of their reaction gives you more anxiety than the secret you’re keeping. Its crying in your room at nine years old, because the kids at school are bullying you for being different. It’s getting pushed around on the playground because the kids don’t understand why you won’t talk, but they don’t know how afraid you are of saying something wrong.
Living with anxiety is missing your medication in the morning, and feeling sick to your stomach for the rest of the day. Its relying on a pill for your everyday comfort and peace of mind.
Living with anxiety is hearing others tell you to “not think about it”. Its hearing people tell you that you’ll “get over it”. Its hearing people tell you that “everyone gets anxious”. And, its not being able to explain to people why you can’t stop thinking about it.
Living with anxiety is hyperventilating all the way to the bar to meet your friends. Its arriving, and heading straight to the bathroom to calm yourself down before you can even think about socializing. Its using alcohol in an attempt to help calm your nerves in every social situation.
I live with anxiety, and its an every day struggle that I will probably deal with for the rest of my life.
Living with anxiety is real. Living with anxiety is hard. And everyone who has anxiety, lives with it differently. Anxiety is a mental illness, not just a state of mind. It can’t be turned off by not thinking. Take the time to understand it, and take the time to understand those who suffer from it. Its so important that you do.
Until next time,