Losing love sucks. Break ups suck. Heartbreak s.u.c.k.s. And sometimes, love sucks.
When my college boyfriend broke up with me, I literally thought that my life was over. Okay, maybe thats a little overdramatic, but I was really upset. It was so unexpected (On my part at least, I’m not sure I can say the same for him), and I was so caught off guard, that I didn’t have time to process what was happening before it was over. I had never had a love like ours, and I thought that I would never find love like that again.
Spoiler Alert: I was wrong.
I was single for a year after that, going back and forth between loving him and hating him. From trying to find ways work things out, to trying to live my own life without him. I casually dated a few guys throughout the course of that year, desperately trying to fill the void that he left, constantly trying to find someone to love and love me back.
It wasn’t until I stopped looking for that someone, that I ran into the man that would be the love of my life (literally).
The night I met Charlie, a relationship was the last thing on my mind.
My best friend at the time would always say, “what if today is the day I meet my soulmate”. I thought that this was a great mentality for her, but I always thought that was a crazy long shot for myself, because at the time, I thought that I had already met him, and that he was gone forever.
Once again: I was wrong.
The night I went to the bar at which I met Charlie, I actually went there with a few friends, while the rest of my friends went to a downtown bar with a group of people that included my ex. That night I went out was about me. I went out to have a night for me, away from my ex, and away from his influence- away from the influence of any man, really. A relationship was the very last thing on my mind.
If you read my post 6 Awkword Scenarios that led me to the Moment I found Love, you will know that my encounters with new humans of the male specimen are usually uncomfortable for both parties. This is of course, my own fault, but still. If you read that post, you will also know a little bit about how I met Charlie, but in this post, I am going to go ahead and share some of the details for you.
It was August 22, 2015….. Okay, I won’t go into that much detail, I’ll get right to the point.
Charlie was nothing like anyone I had ever dated.
The night that I met Charlie (remember, this was a ME night…), I had consumed…. a few alcoholic beverages. Although I am never really a particularly coordinated person, this night was an especially clumsy experience. I was out on the dance floor attempting to line dance with my roommate, who was Black Swan material compared to me. Just when I thought I was getting the hang of things, I ran into someone. I looked up. It was a man. *gasps* *cries* *panics* *smiles awkwardly*. Because I was at a bar, I was expecting to receive a dirty look, and then to be blown off, or inappropriately hit on.
Spoiler alert: I was wrong again.
Charlie looked up at me and smiled, and then offered to show me how to dance. No dirty looks. No making provocative comments. He was a complete gentleman- something I definitely was not used to. After thanking him for showing me how to dance, I went off to the sidelines with my roommate as a slow song started playing.
While standing there, my roommate was approached by someone who asked her to dance after complimenting her beauty in a less than charming way. After she declined his invitation, he looked me up and down with a less than satisfied look on his face, and then asked if “I wanted to dance, then”. I punched him in the face and was kicked out of the bar. HA! Just kidding! I also politely declined because I had not had enough to drink to say what I really wanted to say.
Moments later, I see Charlie walking toward us. *gasps* *cries* *panics* *smiles awkwardly*. He very politely asks for a dance, and I look straight to my roommate, assuming the invite was meant for her. Apparently, it was not (I did mention that I make encounters with the male species awkward for all involved). He was asking me. *que internal panic*. After awkwardly fumbling with the beer in my hand and the word yes (which I couldn’t seem to remember), I accepted. He danced with me and asked me all kinds of questions about myself.
He was genuinely interested in who I was- not what I looked like, or my interest in him.
By the end of the dance, he asked for my number. Well, he actually tried to ask for my number, but couldn’t get the words out. Instead of gracefully sharing that I understood what he was saying, I instead said, “Don’t worry, I am bad at flirting too!” WHO LETS ME SPEAK? REALLY, WHO?
Luckily, he thought it was funny (phew, crisis averted… barely). He pulled out his phone and took my number. I ended up dancing with him for the rest of the night, and the moment I got home, he texted me telling me how wonderful it was to meet me, and that he hoped to see my soon. *heart melts*
He texted me for about a week, and we met up again at the same bar we met at to hang out with friends before asking me on a date. We went on our first date and immediately clicked.
At this point in my life, I was so unsure of the idea of a relationship. My last relationship tore me apart so badly that I was afraid of a new one.
Charlie asked me to be his girlfriend twice before I said yes. It was not because I didn’t want to be with him, it was because I was afraid of being without him- ending up as unhappy as I did after my previous relationship.
Charlie is the best man I have ever met, and I found him without even having to look.
To say that Charlie is one of the best things that has ever happened to me would be an understatement. I spent years with my ex trying to make my relationship into everything I wanted. I spent years trying to make him into someone he did not want to be for me.
I spent years looking everywhere I went for the perfect man for me. When every man I met did not measure up, I kept looking and hoping.
It wasn’t until I stopped looking that I found him. The best things in my life have been unexpected. Charlie is one of those things.
So, stop looking for love. Stop trying to transform people. Start focusing on yourself. Start focusing on having fun. The right person will find you when you least expect it.
At least, thats what happened for me.
Until next time,